Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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