so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
