I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
