I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
