did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
