I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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