I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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