Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
