Someone shit on the floor
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
