Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
