I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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