yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
