the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize