I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk is not a location!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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