I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
