i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
