woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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