laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
