Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
