1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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