i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
