just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
