I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
