His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
