Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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