Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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