next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
