dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
