Porn is love you can see.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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