I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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