Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
