Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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