I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
