when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
