shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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