My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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