i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
