Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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