Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
