I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
