it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
