Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
