i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
