Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
