giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
