yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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