The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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