No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
