Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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