So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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