if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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