Can Purell be used as lube?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
