yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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