how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
