I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
