You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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