I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
