I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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