if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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