You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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