i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
