You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
