my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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