I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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