She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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