There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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