is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
