He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
