dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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