i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize