For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
