Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
