I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
