I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
